Oh No, It’s A Girl

Dear Diary,

A friend of mine has recently found out she is pregnant and is burdened with the pressure from both sides of the family, especially her in-laws, on discovering whether the baby is a boy so that they can prepare for their disappointment. I find it heartbreaking that an unborn child is already being judged on something it has no control over.

My friend already has a little girl and often talks how this girl is always put down and compared to her nephew. Her daughter is too little to understand these comparisons now, but there will come a time when she will and her relationship with her grandparents will suffer because of it.

The status that boys bring into an Asian household cannot be underestimated, even in 2011, in Britain. Clearly gender of a baby is still a controversial subject in many households. The desire for a boy from parents, grandparents and the extended family is quite saddening as is the prejudice that surrounds a birth of a girl.

So much so, that I have been hearing some bitter stories about family interactions at the birth of a girl; mothers in tears of disappointment, fathers ignoring the mother and the child, grandparents making mothers feel unworthy and not accepting the child, the list goes on.

What I am finding difficult to understand is that this desire for boys is not just from the elder generations but from the younger generations who are having children now. Equality of gender is far from accepted in many families. My friend does not care of the sex, only that it is a happy healthy baby but finds defending the sex of the child a difficult battle.

I feel very lucky and blessed with two little girls and am extremely happy with my family. I have no desire to have a boy. We have been lucky enough to have two beautiful happy and healthy baby girls after some difficulties conceiving and I would not have it any other way.  However, just recently, my dad asked my husband if we were going to try for a boy. I am now wondering if he is unhappy that we don’t have a boy and whether my parents would have continued having children if my brother was a girl…

So what is it about having a boy? I am asking this question because I really don’t know and can only come up with very old fashioned rationales. Are we still really old fashioned when it comes down to our families?

Come on people, Girls Rock!!!


9 Comments to “Oh No, It’s A Girl”

  1. I think it’s to do with virility – that somehow REAL men produce boys.

  2. and p.s maybe you are being a little harsh on your dad – if you have two girls, it might be nice to try for a boy and if you end up with three girls then lucky you !

  3. Since I have written this, 5 people have asked me whether I am now going to try for a boy. There is a serious obsession with having a boy. What would happen if I had two boy?. I never hear people ask if couples who have boys are going to try for a girl.
    Just heard that the Beckhams are having a girl. Whoopie!!!

  4. Hi Bunty,

    I am one of two sisters, no brothers. There are 1.5 years between us and we are very close – sometimes my mum even calls us the twins! We sometimes wonder what would have happened if one of us was a boy, would we have the same closeness?

    Perhaps the obsession with boys is an old fashioned property/inheritance thing? I agree the main concern should be happy and healthy babies. The thing that would put me off a baby boy is going through the whole circumcision thing – gross! I don’t even agree with it so that could be a contentious issue in the future but I am waaaay off that prospect since I am single.

    I had two nieces and now have two baby nephews and I just love their little outfits, so stylish! I hope they keep it up when they are older and their mums won’t be dressing them.


  5. Dear Bubbly

    Thank you for this article. It is very well written with so many valid points.

    We’re mother and daughter, there are two girls who are granddaughters and we come from a family of many girls. We don’t really feel any loss of not having more males in our family! We value our closeness of female companions who are our best friends.

    We agree, girls Zumbaaa! 😉

    Sita & Gita xxx

  6. im the mother of twin girls and when they were born and my husband phoned some distance relation to tell, he got (instead of congratulations), never mind its girls, next time He was so angry he said at least these days girls do more for their parents than sons do (hinting at them!) Its sad that the pindu mentality hasnt changed with some people very rare after one girl u will hear hope its another girls so it’ll be 2 sisters, but after 1 boy, you are likely to hear hope its another boy so its 2 brothers, (so what!!) as long as babies are healthy!.

    Anyways my princesses rock! x

  7. My first child is a girl and my second a boy. My main focus during pregnancy was always the health of a child, however, when i found out the sex of my second child i was openly disappointed. To this day i dont know why. Even my feminist cousins questioned the disappointment i felt. Was it because i felt that all the males in my family had underacheived….i dont know. Anyway….now that he is here i wouldnt have it any other way and no i won’t be trying for a third.

  8. I have heard of other families grieving at the birth of a baby girl instead of celebrating. It is so shameful and pathetic. What I really don’t understand is other women commenting about having girls and treating boys better in their upbringing.

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