Fuelling The Fire

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I just need to be listened to and empathised with. I don’t always want solutions or judgements on how I could do things better. All I want is an ear to hear me rant.

This morning was particularly testing with my eldest daughter being extremely difficult. Tempers flared as we were all in a rush to leave the house and get to work. The morning became extremely stressful. My daughter refused to get dressed, have her hair done or put her shoes on. I know her bad behaviour was down to broken sleep and she was tired, but I was running out of time and patience.

Later when I phoned my husband for a sympathetic ear on what had already been a trying morning, he told me quite politely that I should wake up earlier. This only fuelled the fire.  I know he was right, but this wasn’t the time to say it. It was the time to listen.

A friend of mine split up with her partner because he kept fuelling the fire and she got burnt out. I wish my husband would sometimes not speak, not feel he has to have a solution and just say “I know babe, it must have been a tough morning”.  It would have made me feel so much better.

Bunty

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8 Comments to “Fuelling The Fire”

  1. Everyone is full of advice until it’s their turn. I made a mistake once by asking my 1yr old niece what she wanted to wear – she shook her head no to everything except a pair of tights. That was a long morning.

  2. I know how you feel Bunty, but I guess on this occasion your husband didn’t read in your voice what you needed to hear. My sister runs her own business and I sometimes say very helpful things like “you need to selll more” .. We all make these mistakes too!

  3. oh Bunty you’re blog made me laugh! First this then the article where a woman chopped off her husbands willy!!

    I hope your husband survived the evening !

    My husband NEVER says the right thing. I feel like I do more than my share of housework, I earn more money and if the kids play up and are being difficult they are my responsibility!

  4. My husband read this post and said he will try harder to listen. Funny that it has taken an article rather than face to face conversation to reach this point. Nevertheless, progress made.

    Nicky you sound like a superwife/mum. A friend’s husband asks her what the matter is with the children if they play up. Like she knows all the answers. It winds her up no end.

  5. Oh boy do I know the feeling Bunty that you talk about with your eldest daughter. I had to tell my husband specifially what I need from him and when. I know it’s a lot of effort to have to tell them, but I think there is more time and energy that goes into being angry so nest to let it off your chest. Sometimes as mothers and wives we have to lead the way and teach certain things. Although its hard work, I see it as something that helps me learn even more about myself and others. Glad your hubby finally understood but just remember you may have to tell him several times before he starts doing it on his own without being told.

  6. Err why are we talking about grown men as if they are children. Oh well done you for understanding, there’s a good boy!

  7. Is it just easier to give in rather than fight and sound like a nagging boring wife? I am not married but isn’t marriage and having children meant to be an equal 50/50 partnership and responsibility? It doesn’t take much to show a bit of conscientiousness. Please let me know if I live on another planet. I am interested to know if you guys discussed child rearing and housework before marriage.

  8. Hi Bubbly, you make a good point. Marriage is considered to be a 50/50 partnership and responsibility. However, I am yet to find a marriage that really is. Marriage is more about give and take from what I see and experience. I have more responsibility with the children because my work allows me to spend more time with them. He would give his right arm to spend the same amount of time with the kids. It is a 50/50 partnership but that does not mean that it is a 50/50 role split. And yes, sometimes he moans that I do not listen to him and vents his frustration. We are all flawed. My incident with my husband merely highlighted the empathy and listening issues we all face not just with our partners but with friends, siblings etc…
    To answer your other question, in my family we did discuss child rearing and housework. Prior to having children, my husband did more of the housework than I did. After having children, situations, circumstances and lifestyle dictates who does what. I don’t do the gardening or ironing. He rarely does the cooking. However, none of these mean that we don’t all deserve an empathic ear when we are having bad day, least of all from our partners.

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