Dear Diary,
The last few weeks have been so sad. I have been surrounded by families mourning their loved ones and amongst it all observing cultural etiquettes from cast to cast.
In an Asian house, the moment someone passes away, people visit in their masses to pay their respects. The family play host to their guests whilst mourning their loss. It is seen by the elder generation as the right thing to do and as much as offensive if people do not visit. The younger generation much prefer quiet and peaceful reflection as well as space and time to mourn as a family.
This culture clash was extremely evident in a household where a young mother and family friend had lost her husband. Hers and her daughter’s loss was secondary to her mother-in-law’s, who sat wailing whilst being served on hand and foot by her daughter-in-law.
At another funeral, the order in which the family members stood to be greeted was extremely important. For the elder generation, this was their way of maintaining respect and alleviating the risk of offending anyone.
In some families, whilst women perform the ceremonies at home, they do not attend the funeral service and in others women who are pregnant stay away regardless of whether the person who has died is their husband.
One of the most bizarre invites I had over the past weeks was to have tea with my friend’s dead mum the night before her funeral. As much as I wanted to be supportive to my friend, I had to decline this invitation as I found this extremely uncomfortable and do not think that my presence would have been of any support.
Who knows what my wishes will be should I lose someone close to me but I hope that I am burdened less with cultural etiquettes and provided more with personal space to mourn.
Bunty
