It is quite normal to respondez s’il vous plait to invites but there still seems to be resistance to this very polite etiquette by elder members of our South Asian community. Especially to wedding invites.

I recall in my youth attending weddings that I hadn’t been invited to because I was spending the weekend with an aunt or so. Not something I would even consider doing today…. But this was normal. Weddings were a festival that anyone remotely related could attend. Huge buffets were laid on. What was a handful of extra guests going to matter?

The days of huge weddings, where generation removed are invited to celebrate the union of a couple they have only met once if at all in their lives, are becoming numbered. Small intimate affairs, with place card settings and waited tables are being favoured.

The elders are up in arms! RSVP’s are ignored and people like my Mum are catering for 10% extra attendance just to ensure there is enough food to go around.

My advice. Time are moving. Get on with it. RSVP.


3 Comments to “RSVP”

  1. Weddings and funerals are social events though aren’t they? Although the thought of a 1,000 guest wedding makes me shudder it is a truly enjoyable extravaganza for the parents who wish to do wedding like this. I agree, Bunty, that the days of these types of weddings are numbered but I think to an extent it is a nice gesture of our culture’s generosity but also fakeness.

    I agree entirely that RSVPs can be important but we often receive wedding invitations that simply say Mr & Mrs So and So and Family. That is pretty open! And although you have an example of an aunt dragging you along, people like my mum can’t manage to drag anyone to go with her so perhaps the numbers even out like that?

  2. Some of my Asian friends don’t even send me invites to their weddings, they just expect me to turn up, and have commented that I didn’t turn up afterwards. One of my friends – I was her bridesmaid – didn’t even tell me where her wedding was or what time I had to be anywhere until the day before when I called her and had to pester her to tell me!
    The normal British etiquette would be that if you don’t get an invite, you’re not invited. But I don’t think Asians have got a hang of this yet…

  3. My friend had about 500 people to her child’s first birthday party – it was a great night and very well organised. What is worse, is that whole groups of families RSVPd to say they WERE coming and then didn’t bother last minute. We had a fully catered sit down 3-4 course meal and I felt very bad for her. It is so sad to do that to a family – come or don’t come, it’s up to you but don’t say you are and then don’t bother!

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