I had heard about the jitters mother’s face when their first born starts primary school and how it is more emotional for them than for the child. I didn’t believe this for one moment, until it happened to me.
I was left feeling rejected, dejected and alone as my daughter happily skipped into her class exited to meet her new classmates. I hovered around waiting for her to come running back into my arms and make a great big scene about how she wants to stay at home, but she didn’t.
I cannot even believe that I wanted her to behave in that way. It is totally irrational. Of course, I want her to be happy and confident at school and enjoy learning, not be needy around me.
But, for that single moment as we said goodbye, I wanted her kiss and cuddle me and want only her mum. Selfish, I know. But these are the feelings of a mother witnessing another right of passage. Witnessing her daughter who was scared in the morning over breakfast let go of her fears and joined a class of 30 children playing.
I never thought her first day of school was going to be harder for me than for her. I couldn’t wait to leave work and get back to her. To hear all about her day; what she had done, who she had played with; what she had ate. The delight shone on my face as retold her day over dinner. My little girl had grown up a bit more in the last 8 hours.