Love, Marriage and Tales of Regret

We’re often told by wiser and successful people to never regret anything.  However, do our regrets make us human?  Does living by someone else’s mantra damage us psychologically?  Whilst I can’t think of any regrets in my life so far I often do wonder at the life I might have had if I had gone down a certain path…If I hadn’t ended a relationship, if I had studied another subject at university and so on.

Luckily for me, these daydreams end in a shudder and relief that my life as I’ve chosen it is the best for me but I often hear from married girlfriends how brave I am for ending a long term relationship and how they hate being married, a few ( from across the world and different backgrounds) even told me that marriage ruined their lives.

A website that launched a couple of years ago called Secret Regrets invited the public to write in anonymously with their regrets and it became such a hit that the person that started it has published two books as a result.  This is one of the confessions:

“I regret that on a weekly basis I lie to my husband. I lie about going to class just so I can sit in a coffee house and read a book for some ‘me time.’ I tell him I’m stuck in traffic when I’m really stealing 30 minutes to stop at a vitamin store and purchase something for me … I lie about how much money I make. I lie when he calls to see what I am doing … I lie about getting a pedicure. I lie about taking a nap. I know this is wrong, I just don’t know how to do some simple things in life without being hassled … so I lie … It is a huge regret for me since I teach our children how important it is to tell the truth.”

– Female, 46

I feel sad when I read things like that but perhaps writing to this website is like confession and helps the person deal with their situation.


3 Comments to “Love, Marriage and Tales of Regret”

  1. Wow, that confession from the website you mention makes the woman sound like she’s trapped in some horrible marriage.

    I do have regrets, but I think learning to live with them makes us who we are and stops us from repeating silly mistakes.

  2. I have loads of friends that I know regret that they married the man they have. They don’t all say it frankly but I can tell that they are bored by their dull underperforming partners but feel stuck with them with children and/or are too cowardly to leave.

    One told me that she looks at her husand and sighs and wonders what it would be like to have sex with a black man.

    Another has to hide clothes that she buys, she earns MORE than him but she will buy a jumper, hide it in her wardrobe and then casually wears it pretending she has had it for years. I do not understand this at all….. Can anyone explain?

    Do I have regrets? Yes I do. I think it is ok to have regrets. I regret not playing piano, for stopping playing sports, for forgetting how to speak Urdu, I regret losing my figure, I regret losing my interest in campaigning for human rights and for drinking too much red wine.

    I think I regret growing up hahaha

  3. what a sad confession. As humans, each of us must be riddled with regrets. I assume it is how we handle our regrets that makes or breaks us.
    I regret not having a proper breakfast as I am so hungry now!!! Seriously though, I have regrets about choices I made when I was younger. life could have panned out so differently if I had lived for the future rather than for the moment….
    I am addicted to this website, reading people’s regrets. It feels like reading a secret diary.

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