Dear Diary
I bought a pair of jeans AND wore them in public AND felt great. You are thinking so what, but I haven’t worn jeans (or trousers) for about 15 years! I have a fat ass and fat thighs and clearly a bit of a mental health problem. I’m 5 ft 2 and “curvy” and convinced myself I only looked good in skirts and dresses.
At uni, I made a friend measure it! My ass! Can you measure my ass, I said and she said yes. I told her that my ass took over more than half my body, I knew it did. So we measured! Seeeee! I screamed when we got the results, my ass starts all the way up here and doesn’t finish until half way down my legs!! From this day forth I shall be known as Mrs Longbottom. She sighed. I promise this is a true story.
I have loved wearing dresses and skirts and didn’t care about jeans. However, I was starting to feel a little restricted with fashion and always felt “dressed up” for every occasion, even a Sunday cider in the pub. How was I cured of this malady? Simple. My sister blackmailed me and forced me to buy a pair and now I have two! Eek!
So how’s it been? I love them and wash them and dry them so I can wear them tomorrow. On Day 3 a charming fellow told me I had a nice ass. Normally a comment like that would make me go ballistic as I knew someone would only say that as a joke and more impotantly, how dare the misogynist bastard look at my ass, I am not a piece of meat to be oggled at you piece of poo!
However, ahem, he is right, I do have a nice ass. It is big, too big but it’s mine and it’s having a lot more fun in jeans!
Anonymous
