More or Less Asian?

Earlier this week, Bunty and I had the pleasure of going along to a wonderful and lively discussion at Asia House about stereotypes in Asian literature.

The panel was formed of leading figures in the creative arts: Yasmeen Khan (writer and broadcaster and shoe-horned to unofficial BBC Representative for the evening!), Daniel York (actor, director and writer),  Anna Chen (first British Chinese comic to take a show to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival), Niven Govinden (author) and Bidisha (author, journalist, broadcaster and Booker Prize Foundation trustee) who was the delightful chair for the evening’s enthralling discussion.

A capacity audience listened intently to the questions, answers and anecdotal experiences giving an insight into a world that many of us

Do You Look Tired After 8 Hours Sleep?

There is nothing you can do to dark circles under your eyes. Stop wasting money on products that pretend that you can erase them. Stop drinking water, it tastes rubbish. Dark circles are heredity (thanks mum, also thanks for the ghetto ass).

Enter Dr Perricone MD. Sound like some quack American doctor, right? Like the one off the Simpsons (hey, the 90s are in so we are allowed to reference the Simpson again). Well, anyway his No Concealer Concealer is awesome. It’s just under £40 so yah, a bit more pricey than your usual but if you are south Asian origin then you probably look like you need it.

The Princess Bride

Remember when Big and Carrie got married in Sex And The City? The second attempt, that is…the understated but elegant vintage outfit and small registry…That is the opposite of what was on offer for the gal that nothing short of fairytale and fantasy would do.  Both Ashima Leena and Rohit Bal showed bridal collections for princess brides albeit from slightly different inspirational eras.

One of the few Indian designers that can include mega international celebrities on his client list, Rohit Bal’s bridal collection was entitled The Mulmul Masquerade. 

A Letter To The Independent

Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister!!

I have a big sis and she is amazing and loads of fun and even acts like a big brother (why the F*** is that guy staring at you??!)!  She’s also a lawyer, something I mention to freaks around the world that I don’t want to do Bijness (business) with so they back off.

News of the Oxford child abuse ring is once again in the headlines as convictions are passed and the limelight once again falls on the Asian Community and in particular Muslims and Pakistanis.  It’s interesting as my sis and I discussed why it is that our white British friends aren’t asked to reflect on Christianity and feel guilty for child abuse and molestation by the likes of Jimmy Saville and everyone accused since.  We are meant to walk with our heads hung in shame and white Brits can Keep Calm and Carry On…abusing??

So today, my sis sent this letter to the Independent newspaper in response to a reader letter:

Dear Sirs

I am a Scottish Pakistani Muslim and now live in London.

Pakistan does not present  the world with immigrants from one all-binding culture, so why don’t some of your readers stop forcing one label on to all of us?  All  of my cousins are university educated

34DD

The average bra size has gone from a 34B in 2010 to a 34DD. Bravissimo!!

The claim has come from Debenhams who have declared its best selling size as 34DD. The increase in size has come from obesity, boob jobs as well as people fitting bras properly.

Delhi Couture Week: Day 4

Day 4 of PCJ Delhi Couture Week 2012 presented two shows of opposite extremes.  Both designers referenced bridalwear but whereas Shantanu & Nikhil’s fantasy bride was gothic and dark, Manish Malhotra’s was a fluttery sugar-dipped princess.

Shantanu & Nikhil’s show notes were far too deep in reference points especially since they threw in the towel and conformed to produce a bridalwear collection.  Why not simply state that you want to do a different type of couture collection?

Referencing strong women

Another Skin Bleaching Product…..

We have discussed skin bleaching before on this blog with Nice Tan Lines and White Faced Blunder By Body Shop but recently I read about a new product recently launched in India that astonished me no end.

“Clean and Dry Intimate Wash” promises to make the skin around the vagina brighter.

The product is on sale for Rs 90 (about £1) and can be bought online, where a blurb reads: “Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner and more importantly fairer and more intimate”.

RSVP

It is quite normal to respondez s’il vous plait to invites but there still seems to be resistance to this very polite etiquette by elder members of our South Asian community. Especially to wedding invites.

I recall in my youth attending weddings that I hadn’t been invited to because I was spending the weekend with an aunt or so. Not something I would even consider doing today…. But this was normal. Weddings were a festival that anyone remotely related could attend. Huge buffets were laid on. What was a handful of extra guests going to matter?

Child Friendly Wedding

As a parent, it was delightful to attend a wedding that gave so much consideration to the entertainment of the children. Hosted in the heart of Essex countryside, Leez Priory provided an idyllic setting for a wedding that made me beam.

Why Are Women Always To Blame?

Dear Diary

What is it about Asian society that will always blame the woman for everything that goes wrong and for nothing that goes right?

Gossiping among men is as potent as the stereotypes against women portray……. In fact it is even more dangerous because they are taken seriously.

Dementia

Dear Diary,

My grandmother suffers from early stage dementia and it is only since my last visit that I have begun to understand the cultural conditions which stir her awful behaviour of a wicked grandmother-in-law.

Cover Me In Plastic

It’s been some time since I walked into a house where everything was covered in plastic, so, visiting a family friend the other day threw me right back to my childhood.

The carpet entering the front door had that central studded plastic runner that would keep the center strip clean and the carpet around the edges darken with age. I remember my parents putting this in our house and it was awful to walk on. We would walk on the edges to avoid the plastic so that we could feel the soft carpet under our feet.

A Worried Parent

Dear Diary,

I was really shocked when I heard about the secret implantation of contraception in teenage girls. To my knowledge, sex under 16 is still illegal and for me this is just condoning underage sexual activity?

I do believe that sex education needs to be progressive, but is handing out contraceptives really the way forward? Maybe….. As a mother of two toddler girls, this is scary. Are my children going to be having sex at 10????

Ssh Someone’s Listening….

Dear Chatterjis,

You recently asked if your readers have anything they would like to share and I have had a really weird experience that I wonder whether other Asian couple’s have ever experienced.

Shadows of Stereotypes

Dear Diary

I sometimes wonder if the stereotypical images of Asian women follow us everywhere and my encounter of this at work has caused some issues.

Respect

Oxford Dictionary definition: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements

Asian definition: Do as your elder tells you.

Paunch-Erello

The paunch is a sign of wealth, health and prosperity in Asian culture. The larger the belly, the richer the man or woman. However, in India today, there is growing concern over obesity and diabetes among the growing middle class as gastric bands are being introduced to help people overcome their weight problems.

My Daughter

Dear Chatterjis,

I have read your posts and comments on gender discrimination with great interest and would like to share my story with you.

My daughter is three weeks old and has been totally rejected by her grandparents.

Daughtergate Diaries

Dear Chatterboxes

Thanks to you we have reached over 20,000 views!

We have already received some wonderfully thought-provoking entries from you please keep them coming in. 

In a Dear Diary format please share your perspective from the view point of a daughter, mother, sister, wife, mother-in-law, entrepreneur…we wear so many hats in our lives. Send us your rants, frustrations, amusing reflections… get it off your chest and engage with your peers.

As always on this blog you can keep your entries anonymous and we will under no circumstances share your email address. 

Email your submissions to buntyandbubbly@thechatterjis.co.uk

Bunty &  Bubbly 

Forced Marriages

Forced marriages were on the agenda in British politics today under a new guise. To protect British borders.

Prime Minister, David Cameron, would like to see forced marriages criminalised despite the Home Secretary rejecting requests from pressure groups only a month ago.

The Etiquette Of Mourning

Dear Diary,

The last few weeks have been so sad. I have been surrounded by families mourning their loved ones and amongst it all observing cultural etiquettes from cast to cast.

B4U Generation

Just as MTV transformed our access to Hip Hop, B4U has transformed our access to modern Bollywood music. But has it made the youth of today’s music interests’ one dimensional?

Indian Food Comes Second to Chinese

A survey carried out by Waitrose Kitchen claimed that Chinese food has finally taken over Indian food as the most popular choice of take away.

  

Pushing In

What is it about the Asian culture that refuses to participate in orderly queues? It seems like people lack patience to wait their turn.

Cliques & Clans

Have we become more clique and clan like, more suspicious of others and more unwelcoming of new faces? Or are we just getting older and wiser and cannot be bothered to make idle chat with new people?

Hall Of Fame: Vena Ramphal

Vena Ramphal has an unusual career for an Asian woman and has created her own niche as a sex expert and passion coach. She holds one to one sessions, workshops, salons at high end erotic boutique Coco De Mer and is quoted in a number of magazines including GQ and can be followed on twitter @VenaRhampal.

Her workshop “Tearing Up the Good Girl Script” epitomises Vena as she believes that women spend too much of their time pleasing and being good girls when they should be focussing their energies on being happy.

Disastrous Dates

After listening to a friend’s disastrous introduction marriage date, where her date spent the whole night complaining about living at home and suggested that if they got married they would be living with his parents, I was reminded of some of hideous dates that my family had organised for me.

You’ve Got Mail

Last week’s viral email story about mother-in-law Carolyn Bourne expressing her sheer distaste in her future daughter-in-law, Heidi Withers, left me a gasp. Can you imagine your mother-in-law writing something so awful about you and then the whole world finds out? If I were having a difficult relationship with my mother-in-law, I would want to control who knows about it.

I can however empathise that if you received such an email from your future mother-in-law, most people would share it with a friend of two, if only to discuss what a horror she is. Unfortunately, for Heidi Withers and Carolyn Bourne, the email went out to thousands of readers. It did make me wonder whether something like this would happen in an Asian household????

Living The Oedipus Complex

Dear Diary,

Recently, I heard the tragic tale of a young divorced woman who had just come out of living what could only be referred to as Freud’s theory of the Oedipus Complex.

She described to me the strange relationship that her husband had with his mother. At first she thought it was odd, as her husband’s family were more tactile than hers, but then she felt it was extremely abnormal and something needed to be done about it.

 

Carry On Camping

Until this weekend, I never understood the appeal or desire of the British to go camping. I am now a converted camper and will be taking my children, on this inexpensive and fun family holiday, regularly. Whilst I don’t think I will ever be a diehard camper, like some of the friends we went with, who spend fortnights on a campsite.  I most certainly am able to spend a few weekends of the year sleeping in a tent and taking in the lovely outdoors.

Bunty’s Favourite Asian Female Authors

After a well needed clearout of my bookshelves to accomodate new books this weekend, I found 10 of my favourite novels by Asian female authors to share with our chatterboxes. These are books that I cannot put away or give away as I like coming back to them.

Clash of the Titans

Recently, I have been listening to peers talk about their ill fated relationships with their mother-in-laws. In each circumstance, I am speaking to modern, educated brides who have quite traditional mother-in-laws. Their worlds are clashing and they are struggling to keep hold of and impart their values.

My Big Fat Fake Wedding

Yesterday, the news reported that fake marriages have risen by 66% in the UK. Brent council in London experience 5 to 6 fake marriages a week. A high proportion of fake marriages involve South Asians. Many fake marriages are coordinated by gangs involved in people trafficking, drugs and prostitution. BBC Panorama this week covered a story and followed a couple’s fake marriage.

The Tragic Tale Of An Illness

The extremely sad and tragic story of Satpal Kaur Singh demonstrated once again the lack of attention paid by social services to adequately support mental health and children. Satpal pleaded to manslaughter and was sentenced to 7 years for killing her 12 year old autistic son by making him drink bleach. Her own mental health deteriorated as she struggled to cope with the care of her son.

Grans Get More Rights

Dear Diary,

At work today, someone said “They are going back to the old ways. Families are helping each other”. We were listening to radio headlines announcing greater access for grandparents to see their grandchildren as part of the review of the British family justice system.

To this person, it was extremely bizarre that there needed a legal review to highlight the value of grandparents as mediators, carers or support systems. Thinking about South Asians households, grandparents rule and of course they would see their grandchildren, wouldn’t they?

Hall of Fame: Kirti Bharadia

Some of the most inspiring women are amongst the fabric of our society. They are not celebrities or have a public profile but are regular women who run their own businesses, bring up their children and still have the time to input into their communities.

This Hall of Fame interview is with Kirti Bharadia, owner of b2Lateral Ltd, an IT systems and services provider. (www.b2lateral.net)

Kirti set up the company with her husband in 1996. The business has grown from their spare bedroom in Ruislip to a multi million pound business boasting clients such as SONY PE, the NHS, and Radley. Her typical day involves the day to day running of the business, parenting and managing two teenage children and supporting the local community school as a Governor.

The Asian Middle Class

With 7 out 10 people in the UK are classing themselves as middle class, I do wonder how many South Asians are considering themselves middle class?

They Are Children

Dear Diary,

The story of the paedophile ring that had been infiltrated yesterday made me shudder to the core.

In  my life, I have known of two men, who have been convicted of grooming teenage girls. For me, this is two too many. In each case, I recall my stomach hurling; in each case, they blamed the girl for leading them on; in each case, two families were left devastated; in each case, the molesters family were grasping at straws to fathom their fate.

Asian Provocateurs

New comic duo, Yasmeen Khan and Sajeela Kershi  as Asian Provocateurs are finalists in the New Act of the Year competition, held at the Barbican London, this Saturday 19th March.

Regarded as the Asian French and Saunders, a rather big duo to live up to, their sketches include media spoofs, original characters and rather large dose of cross cultural references.

I wish them the best of luck as it is great to celebrate British Asian women and British Asian comedy.

Bunty

Being an Asian Woman in Britain

The Nehru Centre began International Women’s Week yesterday with a debate on being an Asian woman in Britain. Amongst the panel were Baroness Flather, Purnima Thanuka, Lady Nina Bracewell Smith and Rochana Bajpai. They were all women who had reached successes as an Asian woman in Britain.

As I listened to their fascinating stories, I found myself not being able to relate to their accounts at all.