Dear Diary Will I Ever Grow Up?

Dear Diary

I am closer to 40 than 35 and my life is so chaotic and messy that I wonder if I will ever grow up. The evidence follows:

1. My flat is so messy that my cleaner tells me off. This is despite the fact I pay her more for extra hours to tidy up after me. You know, if she organised my life better, maybe my flat would be pretty and I would have wonderful dinner parties where I am amazing and serve up incredible delights that I just happened to rustle up in the kitchen. Instead, my friends come around for vodka shots before going out and balance shop-bought snacks on chipped plates on their knees while I tell them that “eatin’s cheatin”.