My New Seven Year Itch

Relationships…dontcha love ’em??  However, the relationship I’m about to ponder isn’t one with a guy…it’s with a country: India.  I first travelled to India at the end of 2006 and it’s been a rough and ready ride.  I travel there for my business and it just doesn’t seem to be getting easier or more pleasant even though I’ve had the most amazing time there.  How does that contradiction work? Well….

I’ve travelled and explored India and my interests have take me to wonderful cities and villages where I have met weavers and wonderful organisations helping creative artisans.  I base myself in Delhi and have an apartment there in  a lush, quiet, tropical paradise and have created a lovely bubble around myself and yet I am often incredibly lonely there while I get on with my incredibly stressful work.

I hate moaners and expats that arrive in Delhi wanting it to have the

Charles Saatchi: The Hole Gets Deeper

My favourite TV chef  Nigella Lawson has remained silent in the four weeks since those now infamous paparazzi photos of her husband Charles Saatchi ‘grasping’ her neck, pinching her nose and covering her mouth.  Charles Saatchi has now announced through a Sunday newspaper that he is filing for divorce as Nigella has not come out to publicly defend his actions.

It is rather odd that we’ve been given such a deeply personal glimpse

Dear Diary

Not another one!!

Dear Diary

I’m in my 30s and single.  Yeah, I’m ‘looking for lurve’ but I’m not in the slightest desperate and I’m happy enjoying my life with my friends and family.

Recently, in Delhi,  I have been approached by so many married men, one married to a very dear friend of mine, that have tried to kiss me and one even propose to me! Despite being already married.  Another married man thought nothing of sharing his sick fantasy – he wanted another two children with me besides his others.  Not with me mate!

The Perfect Bride

An aunt recently lamented her mission to find her son a wife and the perfect daughter-in-law for herself.  The pair had hopped on a plane for a trip to Pakistan where her British-born and educated son was introduced to suitable young women but alas none would do.  She recalled

Love, Marriage and Tales of Regret

We’re often told by wiser and successful people to never regret anything.  However, do our regrets make us human?  Does living by someone else’s mantra damage us psychologically?  Whilst I can’t think of any regrets in my life so far I often do wonder at the life I might have had if I had gone down a certain path…If I hadn’t ended a relationship, if I had studied another subject at university and so on.

Marriage and Prejudice

Dear Diary,

I have been with my partner for over ten years. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight, in the beginning we were just friends but then one day I realised that we were not going out to dinner as friends: we were on a date.

I am from Pakistan, though I have lived abroad for many years. My boyfriend is white British. I knew it wasn’t going to go down very well if my parents found out about him, they made no secret of how they felt about inter-racial marriages.  One day, while back in Pakistan on holiday, my mum found out about my boyfriend.  She made me promise to break up with him which I, very reluctantly, said I would do.

But I didn’t as I never intended to. My boyfriend and I continued our lives in London but I kept him a secret from most of

In Sickness and In Health

Dear Diary,

These vows ring in my head as a commode is delivered to my front room. In all my married years, I never thought that the day would come where I could not look after my husband anymore, but today, I feel as if I am come to the end.

I know it isn’t the end, but it is how I feel.

The Gods Unite

As the gay marriage debate rolls on I do wonder why gay people want to participate in a religious institution, often at a religious institution, when all mainstream religions hate homosexuality and recognise it as a sin where gays will burn in hell or even worse.

I went to a gay wedding in Delhi

The Educated Housewife

A recent article on the wonderful feminist blog Jezebel asked the question: Why aren’t educated Middle-Eastern women joining the workforce?  Apparently in two thirds of Middle Eastern countries there are more women that go to university than men.  There are parallels in South Asian culture even amongst British Asians.

One University professor in the US who was questioned about this disparity commented that Middle Eastern women simply went to university to fill time and find a better husband.  

My Daughter, My Property

The on-going trial of the alleged honour killing of Shafilea Ahmed and evidence given by her younger sister is a chilling reminder of what can happen to girls and women in the name of culture or religion, particularly those from a South Asian background.

Demonstrating the utterly shocking nature of this ‘cultural’ practice, the UK Forced Marriages Unit dealt with a case involving a girl who was only five years old and another of a woman who was eighty-seven! 

Would You Propose?

It’s a leap year and ever since its introduction some 2000 years ago, the 29th February has been associated with folklore and traditional customs, especially proposals.

Not The Nanad!

What is it about nanads, (husbands sister), that makes them so devious? Some of the stories I am hearing at the moment are beyond childish and insecure to really psychologically disturbed.

A friend of mine has had a torrid relationship with her nanad from the beginning. At first it was bitchy things like ignoring her at family events, or revealing private conversations at inappropriate times.

Love, Marriage, Divorce

Falling out of love has replaced affairs as the main reason for divorce, according to a survey conducted by accountancy firm Grant Thornton. 27% of divorces relate to couples falling out of love compared to the 25% that are a result of an affair. Startling!

Disastrous Dates

After listening to a friend’s disastrous introduction marriage date, where her date spent the whole night complaining about living at home and suggested that if they got married they would be living with his parents, I was reminded of some of hideous dates that my family had organised for me.

Living The Oedipus Complex

Dear Diary,

Recently, I heard the tragic tale of a young divorced woman who had just come out of living what could only be referred to as Freud’s theory of the Oedipus Complex.

She described to me the strange relationship that her husband had with his mother. At first she thought it was odd, as her husband’s family were more tactile than hers, but then she felt it was extremely abnormal and something needed to be done about it.

 

The Obedient Wives Club

A Malaysian group called “The Obedient Wives Club” seem to have nailed what it takes to have a successful marriage. To obey your husband and provide good sex. According to a member, a good wife is a good sex worker to her husband. Apparently, this will stop your husband misbehaving and straying.

The club was set up by a fringe Islamic group called Global Ikhwan who honestly believe that in Islam, a woman is the possession of the husband and it is a wife’s duty to be obedient and serve her husband. With 800 members since its launch on Saturday, the group claim that by educating women to be submissive and better in the bedroom,  they can solve the problems of domestic violence, infidelity and divorce.

Persuasion, Not Jane Austen’s

At the beginning of this week, MPs were calling to criminalise forced marriages.  The Government has a “forced marriage unit” which handles around 300 cases a year but The Telegraph has reported that the figure could be as high as 8,000 a year.

What a difficult issue to deal with – if you are a young person and your family is able to bully you into a forced marriage, then you are also less likely to be a person confident enough to report it to anyone. 

Clash of the Titans

Recently, I have been listening to peers talk about their ill fated relationships with their mother-in-laws. In each circumstance, I am speaking to modern, educated brides who have quite traditional mother-in-laws. Their worlds are clashing and they are struggling to keep hold of and impart their values.