Rapunzel

Sometimes after a gorgeous indulgent shower I look into a steamy mirror looking for the blond beauty in the old Timotei ads and instead I see Smeagol from Lord of the Rings. Thin stringy hair sticks to my scalp and I shudder.

Not any more! Enter L’Oréal Elvive Fibrology Thickening Shampoo, Conditioner and Serum. Now, L’Oréal is a little iffy on science

You’re Telling Me To Put Bum Cream On My Face?

Errr yeah, I am telling you to put bum cream on yo’ face. Do it!

This is no secret, women have been buying Waitrose’s Baby Bottom Butter and applying it on their face for a couple of years now (at night only). And, it only costs a mere £2.89, god, I’m good to you.

Don’t mess with my recommendations ya know, I usually only rub Creme de la Mer on my face so when I first heard about the fact that mumsnet were going crazy over this product, the snob in me thought “yah, that’s what having babies does to you, you can only afford to put cheap crap on your face”.

Do You Look Tired After 8 Hours Sleep?

There is nothing you can do to dark circles under your eyes. Stop wasting money on products that pretend that you can erase them. Stop drinking water, it tastes rubbish. Dark circles are heredity (thanks mum, also thanks for the ghetto ass).

Enter Dr Perricone MD. Sound like some quack American doctor, right? Like the one off the Simpsons (hey, the 90s are in so we are allowed to reference the Simpson again). Well, anyway his No Concealer Concealer is awesome. It’s just under £40 so yah, a bit more pricey than your usual but if you are south Asian origin then you probably look like you need it.