Daughtergate Diary

Dear Diary

I’ve ticked all the boxes on what makes success but now I’m being pressured to bow out. I graduated with a 2.1 in law, got a great job in a practice and married the love of my life a year ago. We dated for 3 years and I was so happy to marry such an ambitious guy who cared about me and my family too. The thing is, now my husband is really pressuring me to start a family but I don’t want to, I’m doing so well at work, I’m regarded an expert and taking a break will set me back years.

My husband got offered a job abroad a few months ago and he was at liberty to decide whether to stay or go and I would have to follow. There was not even the consideration that my career mattered and so it is now about having a baby. It’s so depressing to think I will have no choice but to give in. When I was younger I was so much keener to start a family but I love my job too.

Anon

Posted on February 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm in Daughtergate Diaries | RSS feed | Reply | Trackback URL

Tags: diary, Family, Personal, relationships, women

7 Comments to “Daughtergate Diary”

Bunty
February 7, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I feel for you and I also know that you are not alone in this predicament. For me, having children is one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done in my life, but it had to be at a time that was right for me as I would be giving up the most.
I hope you are able to communicate your feelings to your husband as he needs to hear how you feel. Sometimes, people just don’t consider another’s feelings not because they do not care but because they don’t even think that you wouldn’t want the same thing.
Good luck. I hope you get to enjoy both.

Reply
- streetprincess
  February 19, 2012 at 10:27 pm
  
  But what would be the point in talking to her husband? He won’t understand at all because all women are supposed to want to have children. I also felt pressure to have children. I’m glad that having children is not the most fulfilling thing I’ve done!!!
  
  Reply
Bubbly
February 8, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I’m sure you’re not alone with your dilema and feelings.

Reply
Vakeel Bibi
February 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

My friend is going through the same – she met her husband at university and I have known him since he was 18 and love him to bits. They recently got married a couple of years ago and everyone is pressuring her to have children. My friend is also a lawyer and is now close to 10 years qualification – she feels like an expert in her field and will be up for partnership soon.

However, that will all go once she has children. Obviously she can still work and there are partners of law firms with children but those women are miserable. There is no denying that. In fact, my friend has secretly admitted that she doesn’t even want children. Or the stretch marks or crap social life.

They also currently live in Hampstead in London and will have to leave central london as you can’t bring up kids in a flat when you can afford a house in the suburbs.

Her feelings are not even consulted. She is so happy and proud of her work and career and even though her husband is lovely there is a constant threat, is there not, that if she does not get pregnant now, then it could be difficult later and if she can’t “give” her husband children then there is the unspoken truth that he may leave her in the future to make babies with someone else.

Being a woman is fantastic but our modern day dilemmas are very painful indeed.

Reply
Bubbly
February 11, 2012 at 8:35 am

Vakeel Bibi it’s true that they are indeed modern day dilemas. Can a woman have it all?

At the recent Davros meeting Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, said women didn’t try hard enough to succeed which is pretty mean considering she speaks from a position of wealth (even before Facebook) and has had strong childcare support. So the answer to my own question seems to be yes, a woman can have it all if she is rich.

Women’s careers still don’t seem to matter and having children is made out to be the ultimate achievement.

Reply
- CC
  February 11, 2012 at 1:06 pm
  
  I think rather than can a woman have it all, it is can a woman choose NOT to have it all. I am 40, married and don’t want children.
  
  Children to me are not fun and the way some women go on about their kids also puts me off. There is never a fair division of labour when children are born and I’m not prepared to do more than my fair share.
  
  I have a great job in PR, my body is as toned as when in my 20s, and I have a very active social life, not ones based around “mom’s night off”. I also still enjoy fantastic sex as I didn’t push a gigantic head trough my vagina!
  
  As you can probably tell I’m way too selfish to share my life with kids and the boring hum drum of life that goes with it!
  
  My partner does want children and I’ve told him he can but only if we split up and he meets someone else. I feel a little bad as he works for a children’s charity but I’ve always been very upfront and honest ever since we met.
  
  Reply
  - Bubbly
    February 14, 2012 at 7:30 am
    
    CC, you certainly argue the case for not having children!

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