Archive for ‘Daughtergate Diaries’

July 16, 2014

Boyfriend, Can I Be Your Girlfriend

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I was a serious tomboy. So serious that I told the other tomboy in the school that because she wore knickers she wasn’t really a tomboy, was she? (I wore Spiderman and Hulk pants…. mmmm “Hulk pants” means something so different now.
Anyway, I digress. I therefore hung about with boys. At school, after school, in the holidays. I was a football captain with scabby knees and razor-shaved hair. No-one could beat me at Operation Wolf.
From having almost zero girlfriends, in my late 30s I now have almost zero boyfriends. In fact, I have two male friends that I love (one is gay so I’m not sure he counts).

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March 18, 2014

Childish Is Fine, Child-Like Is Not

charlie and the chocolate factory

Dear Diary,

I work with young adults in a university and recently some of them have started to really piss me off. Don’t misunderstand me, the majority are hard-working and fun to be around – they also introduce me to trends like only painting one fingernail a different colour – remarkable! But a significant amount of them, and more so each year, act like total babies.

I mentioned this to a colleague who said we are now dealing with people who have been consumers from their earliest memories. My god! She hit

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June 18, 2013

Robot Disco

ram_outnow

I simply LOVE Daft Punk’s new album.  It’s not very often that almost every song on an entire album would get over 8/10 in a scorecard yet here we have one.  I’m a former 90s raver/RnB fan and I thank Daft Punk for their Pharell Williams collaboration and for giving RnB some of its mojo back.  It hasn’t been a good decade for some music genres.

I’ve also been in Delhi for the last five months and now that I’m back in London and have Random Access Memories

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June 10, 2013

Dear Diary Will I Ever Grow Up?

peter pan

Dear Diary

I am closer to 40 than 35 and my life is so chaotic and messy that I wonder if I will ever grow up. The evidence follows:

1. My flat is so messy that my cleaner tells me off. This is despite the fact I pay her more for extra hours to tidy up after me. You know, if she organised my life better, maybe my flat would be pretty and I would have wonderful dinner parties where I am amazing and serve up incredible delights that I just happened to rustle up in the kitchen. Instead, my friends come around for vodka shots before going out and balance shop-bought snacks on chipped plates on their knees while I tell them that “eatin’s cheatin”.

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May 24, 2013

Dear Diary

thebirds

Not another one!!

Dear Diary

I’m in my 30s and single.  Yeah, I’m ‘looking for lurve’ but I’m not in the slightest desperate and I’m happy enjoying my life with my friends and family.

Recently, in Delhi,  I have been approached by so many married men, one married to a very dear friend of mine, that have tried to kiss me and one even propose to me! Despite being already married.  Another married man thought nothing of sharing his sick fantasy – he wanted another two children with me besides his others.  Not with me mate!

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February 28, 2013

My Big Fat Ass

jeans

Dear Diary

I bought a pair of jeans AND wore them in public AND felt great. You are thinking so what, but I haven’t worn jeans (or trousers) for about 15 years! I have a fat ass and fat thighs and clearly a bit of a mental health problem. I’m 5 ft 2 and “curvy” and convinced myself I only looked good in skirts and dresses.

At uni, I made a friend measure it!

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October 31, 2012

Baby Blues

Dear Diary,

It’s not supposed to be like that, but it was.

The recent case of Felicity Boots brought back my own trauma and how my family almost collapsed because of post natal depression.

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October 15, 2012

Marriage and Prejudice

Dear Diary,

I have been with my partner for over ten years. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight, in the beginning we were just friends but then one day I realised that we were not going out to dinner as friends: we were on a date.

I am from Pakistan, though I have lived abroad for many years. My boyfriend is white British. I knew it wasn’t going to go down very well if my parents found out about him, they made no secret of how they felt about inter-racial marriages.  One day, while back in Pakistan on holiday, my mum found out about my boyfriend.  She made me promise to break up with him which I, very reluctantly, said I would do.

But I didn’t as I never intended to. My boyfriend and I continued our lives in London but I kept him a secret from most of

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October 5, 2012

Eyes At The Back Of Your Head

Dear Diary,

Last year my friend’s daughter was snatched and missing for half an hour in North London during a walk in their local woods. It was the worst moment in the parents lives. It could have happened to anybody.

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September 11, 2012

First Day At School: Mother’s Words

Dear Diary,

I had heard about the jitters mother’s face when their first born starts primary school and how it is more emotional for them than for the child. I didn’t believe this for one moment, until it happened to me.

I was left feeling rejected, dejected and alone as my daughter happily skipped into her class exited to meet her new classmates. I hovered around waiting for her to come running back into my arms and make a great big scene about how she wants to stay at home, but she didn’t.

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August 21, 2012

In Sickness and In Health

Dear Diary,

These vows ring in my head as a commode is delivered to my front room. In all my married years, I never thought that the day would come where I could not look after my husband anymore, but today, I feel as if I am come to the end.

I know it isn’t the end, but it is how I feel.

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May 29, 2012

Two Mummies

Dear Diary,

On a day out in Haggerston Park, in Shoreditch, my four year old daughter was asked by another toddler where her daddy was. Before my daughter had the chance to reply, the toddler’s mother said in a very matter of fact way, “no darling, she has two mumies”.

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May 10, 2012

Bad Hair Cut

Dear Diary,

I never thought that you could get a really bad haircut until today….. Don’t change hairdressers to get a quick trim!

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April 26, 2012

Why Are Women Always To Blame?

Dear Diary

What is it about Asian society that will always blame the woman for everything that goes wrong and for nothing that goes right?

Gossiping among men is as potent as the stereotypes against women portray……. In fact it is even more dangerous because they are taken seriously.

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April 25, 2012

School Lottery

Dear Diary,

Last week, we found out the my daughter did not get our first choice school despite being in the catchment area. It is a lottery system that depends on siblings, special needs and of course the recession led baby boom….

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April 17, 2012

Death Gave Her Life

Dear Diary

My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was only nine.  My mother, brother and I were understandably devastated.  Dad started his treatment but it made him sick and moody and coping with imminent death

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March 29, 2012

Dementia

Dear Diary,

My grandmother suffers from early stage dementia and it is only since my last visit that I have begun to understand the cultural conditions which stir her awful behaviour of a wicked grandmother-in-law.

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March 5, 2012

Dear Diary, My Dear Friend

Dear Diary

The organisation my dear friend worked in for 14 years was recently restructured and her position was made redundant. The job still existed but it was expanded and transferred to a different location. It meant that she would have to re-apply for that position if she wanted to stay on and simultaneously relocate. She was given two months notice with the rider that there was going to be no compensation if she decided not to re-apply.

Ironically it was only a year ago when she had moved locations as her husband had received a lucrative offer from a technology firm – it was going to be beneficial both in terms of his role and finances. At that time she had offered to resign but the company wanted her to stay on

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February 9, 2012

A Worried Parent

Dear Diary,

I was really shocked when I heard about the secret implantation of contraception in teenage girls. To my knowledge, sex under 16 is still illegal and for me this is just condoning underage sexual activity?

I do believe that sex education needs to be progressive, but is handing out contraceptives really the way forward? Maybe….. As a mother of two toddler girls, this is scary. Are my children going to be having sex at 10????

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February 6, 2012

Daughtergate Diary

Dear Diary

I’ve ticked all the boxes on what makes success but now I’m being pressured to bow out.  I graduated with a 2.1 in law, got a great job in a practice and married the love of my life a year ago.  We dated for 3 years and I was so happy to marry such an ambitious guy who cared about me and my family too.  The thing is, now my husband is really pressuring me

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January 9, 2012

Ssh Someone’s Listening….

Dear Chatterjis,

You recently asked if your readers have anything they would like to share and I have had a really weird experience that I wonder whether other Asian couple’s have ever experienced.

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December 14, 2011

Christmas Day Dilemma

Dear Diary,

Family politics at Christmas is quite boring!!! We have just had the ordeal for Diwali and now within a couple of months, it is Christmas. Where to spend it and with whom? The annually recurring question.

Since we have had children, this dilemma has existed and the effort to spend equal amounts of time with both sides of the family is just exhausting. Sometimes, I would rather just spend it at home, just the four of us.

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November 16, 2011

Shadows of Stereotypes

Dear Diary

I sometimes wonder if the stereotypical images of Asian women follow us everywhere and my encounter of this at work has caused some issues.

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October 19, 2011

My Daughter

Dear Chatterjis,

I have read your posts and comments on gender discrimination with great interest and would like to share my story with you.

My daughter is three weeks old and has been totally rejected by her grandparents.

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October 10, 2011

Daughtergate Diaries

Dear Chatterboxes

Thanks to you we have reached over 20,000 views!

We have already received some wonderfully thought-provoking entries from you please keep them coming in. 

In a Dear Diary format please share your perspective from the view point of a daughter, mother, sister, wife, mother-in-law, entrepreneur…we wear so many hats in our lives. Send us your rants, frustrations, amusing reflections… get it off your chest and engage with your peers.

As always on this blog you can keep your entries anonymous and we will under no circumstances share your email address. 

Email your submissions to buntyandbubbly@thechatterjis.co.uk

Bunty &  Bubbly 

October 4, 2011

The Etiquette Of Mourning

Dear Diary,

The last few weeks have been so sad. I have been surrounded by families mourning their loved ones and amongst it all observing cultural etiquettes from cast to cast.

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August 3, 2011

Keep Up, Keep Up!

Dear Diary,

Over the past few weeks, I have seen how easily children can get left behind if they are not good at something.

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July 12, 2011

Fuelling The Fire

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I just need to be listened to and empathised with. I don’t always want solutions or judgements on how I could do things better. All I want is an ear to hear me rant.

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June 28, 2011

Living The Oedipus Complex

Dear Diary,

Recently, I heard the tragic tale of a young divorced woman who had just come out of living what could only be referred to as Freud’s theory of the Oedipus Complex.

She described to me the strange relationship that her husband had with his mother. At first she thought it was odd, as her husband’s family were more tactile than hers, but then she felt it was extremely abnormal and something needed to be done about it.

 

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June 21, 2011

Om Shanti Om

Dear Diary

I had a very stressful ten days recently, coping with daily change to my workflow in Delhi. I find my team here to be so unreliable and irresponsible it is sometimes hard to cope. I am not a scary Alan Sugar type boss, I just want a strong and supportive team.

I have tried asking my assistant to think over the weekend about how we can improve communication as we constantly misinterpret each other. She looks at me with a blank expression

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June 5, 2011

She Just Said “Mummy”!

Dear Diary,

Finally, last weekend, my 20 month old daughter called me Mummy. For over a year I have been distraught that my daughter continuously calls me Dada or Daddy. She can name most animals on a farm or in a zoo, the entire cast of Peppa Pig, the rest of our family, but could not say “Mummy”.

The joy I felt when she uttered this word was indescribable. After months of being teased by my daughter by pointing to herself when asked where her Mummy was, we had now bonded! She recognised me as her Mummy and claimed her ownership. I did not believe that I could be so overwhelmed by something so simple and immediately felt even more love for her.

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May 24, 2011

I’m Every Woman

Dear Diary,

The pleasures of “me time”, that I once relished as a single woman, are now reduced to stolen moments of drinking a cup of tea in peace, blow drying my hair without someone asking me to do something or indulging in a home face mask when the kids have gone to bed.

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May 12, 2011

Sari or No Sari?

Dear Diary,

Why is it that whenever there is an Asian event, the women go all dressed up in their Asian clothing and the men go just as they are? Sometimes men barely manage to put on a suit nevermind a Kurta and if a woman would turn up in her casual English attire, she would be stared at, judged and gossiped about.

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May 3, 2011

Misplaced Love Actually

Dear Diary,

After reading one of today’s newspapers, I had a chilling thought.  What happens if someone falls in love with you and it’s not reciprocated? Two unfortunate women in India found out: one was beheaded and the other was doused in kerosene and died in hospital, her mother also murdered by the same vengeful man.

I tell others of stories like this not as a side-show spectacle

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April 18, 2011

Men Are Just Sore Losers!

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, I went to the Emirates Stadium to watch my beloved Liverpol Football team take on Arsenal. My husband, an Arsenal fan, sat at one end of he ground as I sat at the other. The game was a draw. I left the stadium singing and dancing. He left moaning and grumbling.

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April 18, 2011

Nip And Tuck For God

Dear Diary,

My little nephew had his circumcision last week.  I know that boys in many religions and cultures go through this process but I feel it’s wrong.

I know that health benefits are cited and of course God

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April 16, 2011

Look For Me In Rainbows

Dear Diary,

Coping with the death of a parent is one of the most difficult things to come to terms with in life. Yesterday, I attended a funeral where two teenage children buried their mother. Every now and again the fragility of life hits you and this was one of those days.

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April 10, 2011

Drama Queen

Dear Diary,

My dad is addicted to Indian soaps and if allowed, he would watch the episodes and then the reruns. Since retirement, he seems to live out his life with these soaps. Apart from the news, he doesn’t watch any other channels until recently. We banned Zee TV!

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April 3, 2011

How It Used to Be

Dear Diary,

As I sat down to a fabulous meal cooked by my husband on Mother’s Day, I remembered how it used to be….before we had children.

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March 31, 2011

Grans Get More Rights

Dear Diary,

At work today, someone said “They are going back to the old ways. Families are helping each other”. We were listening to radio headlines announcing greater access for grandparents to see their grandchildren as part of the review of the British family justice system.

To this person, it was extremely bizarre that there needed a legal review to highlight the value of grandparents as mediators, carers or support systems. Thinking about South Asians households, grandparents rule and of course they would see their grandchildren, wouldn’t they?

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