Escape Plan

Escape Plan
One of my most glorious moments was when I beat the boy in Commando Challenge.
We are watching Commando, an Arnie classic circa 1980s. A challenge! “Let’s see who guesses most next lines”. Our eyes slit and we grit our teeth.
He, a lifelong Arnie worshipper, sneers at me. He knows he will win! He is a boy! And I am a girl!
I sneer back. I know I will win! Yes I am a girl! A girl from Scotland with shit cold summers, a fun  sister and Commando on vhs that we will watch 20 times. A week!!!
I win.
Arnie is a true legend and I mean it in both a truthful and purely ironic way. When he became the Governor of California, and thereby sealed America’s fate as “totally bonkers”, I only inwardly wept that his “acting” career was taking a back seat.
And yes, praise the lord, now he really is back!
Enter “Escape Plan”.. a thrilling new flick where not only are you treated to a cigar smoking, one liner delivering, random biscep flexing Arnie but you get slurring Sly Stallone thrown in for free!
This is a jail break film which is slightly less slicker than Tango and Cash but that was the 90s and this is 2013 and jails are now dark, messed up and ran by psychos.  I haaate plot spoilers so that’s all you’re getting from me, apart from Please Watch It!
Ladies! Do not be put off by the 5 star rating from Nuts and Loaded magazines. Ahem. It is ok to have some things in common with teenage boys.

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